If you have been diagnosed with cancer, you are likely to have experienced a host of emotions. Shock, disbelief, anger, guilt, depression and fear are just some of them.

Rest assured that you are not alone in these feelings. Learning to live with your cancer is not easy. You may well feel frightened and isolated. However, it is important to try and balance your feelings so that you do not become overwhelmed with negative thoughts.

Talking about cancer

One pro-active thing you can do with these feelings is to talk to someone about them. Sharing your worries and fears is an important way of understanding and putting them in perspective.

Who to talk to

Talking helps! The mere act of sharing and communicating can be a great release. However, it may be that you find it difficult to talk to those close to you about how you are coping with this new reality.  You may feel that no-one understands your particular anxieties and fears for the future. Or you may feel that you are unable to talk about aspects of your care and future with your close family and friends. If so, it may be useful to talk to someone who is either professionally experienced or who has been in the same situation.

There are a number of organisations which offer help.

• Pastoral care  your priest, minister or member of your religious organisation
• District nurses
• Macmillan/ Marie Curie nurses
• Social workers
• Counselling organisations and support groups

Other ways to help yourself

A helpful tactic can be to get information about your illness, what to expect and what you can do to help yourself through it.  Understanding your cancer and what your treatment entails goes a long way to removing the mystery about the disease and enables you to feel more in control.

Positive things like planning a well-balanced diet, learning relaxation techniques and taking regular exercise will enable you actively to participate in your treatment and recovery. Complementary therapies such as reflexology, aromatherapy and massage can help you to relax and in doing so improve your morale and your ability to cope with the journey ahead.

It may help to keep a diary of your treatment  this can be particularly useful when having chemotherapy. Monitoring your response to your treatment can give you some useful information about what to expect when your next treatment session arrives. Knowing and understanding the timescale of what to expect can help you feel more in control and also enable you to plan other aspects of your life. 

Sexual issues and cancer

Your cancer and its subsequent treatment may well inhibit your sexuality; in other words, how you feel about yourself as a man or a woman. Cancer treatment can cause sickness, tiredness, irritability, pain, bowel problems and a general loss of energy. In addition, the repercussions of the emotional stresses of having cancer treatment should not be underestimated.

Changes in body image as a result of scars, weight loss/gain, or the absence of a breast, for example, will also have an impact and all together may mean that for a time your interest in sex diminishes.

Under such circumstances, talking with your partner may be helpful in acknowledging worries and fears for the future. There are many alternative ways to feel loved, such as touch and massage. These can help reduce anxiety and depression and enable you to feel more positive.

The experience of a cancer diagnosis and treatment will inevitably have a huge impact on many aspects of your life. Give yourself time to adjust and remember there are strategies that can help your sex life in the future.

It may help to talk to people in a similar situation or to talk to a sexual counsellor. Be reassured that you are not alone and there is help if you need it.

03/06/2009